This is an article on how to be an total business bastard and loose money. In a cunning reverse psychology type manner I figure that people generally do the opposite of what they’re told so teaching people how to be “Business Bastards” is actually the best way to see growth of the kind of business I would really like…it’s also more amusing 🙂
Let me stress that all of these will not only result in you being an unpleasant isolated human being but will also mean you lose money. All of these strategies will see short-term gains and long term loss. So here are my:
Top Ten Tips on How to be a Business Bastard!
Deny Your Health and Stress
Being a business bastard begins at home so start by being mean to yourself and denying your own health and well being. Under no circumstances admit to stress or needing stress management – this is weak. Even having a body is weak – it is just a cart for your head – never mind that it is essential for leadership to understand the embodied dimension.
Deny All Emotions!
Emotions are weak, do not let them spoil your day by getting in the way of business. Pretend you don’t have emotions and punish those who show them as irrational (they are probably women too)! Never mind that research shows that EQ is several times more important to a manager’s success than IQ.
Deny Spirituality
There’s no place for spirituality at work! Squash the human spirit and get the job done! Never mind that work is a source of life meaning for large numbers of people, that studies show that what really motivates people isn’t money nine times out of ten, or that personal development and leadership go hand-in-hand.
Treat People as “Resources”, Superiors and Competitors
If you don’t want to see other people as people so you can treat them like a total business bastard, it’s best to give them dehumanising labels. Seeing people as disposable “resources” as part of a power hierarchy (inferiors and superiors) or as competitors out to get what you need are particularly good strategies.
Only Accept As Real What Can Be Measured
In order to reduce human beings to cogs in the machine it is necessary to accept as real only that which can be measured. Reduce people to statistics and never mind that much of what makes a business really work are the messy intangibles human factors.
Deny CSR!
There is only one bottom-line and people and planet are none of your business! Business has no corporate social responsibilities! Never mind the business and PR benefits of having a good CSR policy.
Deny Environmental Issues!
It’s not the job of business to look after the environment. Never mind that recent studies show that the most environmentally aware companies are also the most profitable long-term. Never mind that there can be huge cost reductions in environmental measures (e.g. energy efficiency) or that the environmental concerns have forced profitable innovation on stagnant industries.
Advertise and Persuade
People need to be brainwashed and manipulated into buying crap they don’t need. Never mind that modern marketing increasingly shows that this approach increasingly doesn’t work with savvy (some might say cynical) modern consumers.
Think Short-Term
This is the crux of things really. Top business bastards don’t let large long term gains get in the way of smaller short-term profits. Go for the quick-win every time.
To be clear – I’m not anti-business – I’m a business-man myself. I see business evolving into a beneficial sustainable practice and would like to support this process -this is a light-hearted nudge in that direction – please don’t take it too seriously and excuse my French. If you disagree that business can be a force for good that’s OK. Most the “New-Agers” I know who hold this view are pretty impotent (see 11 Things That Aren’t Spiritual for a balancing article) so I largely ignore them. From the business side (“This is all well and good Mark but in the real world…” being a bastard is just bad business so the best men will win sooner or later 🙂 For those looking to speed up the evolution of business and lead their organisation with integrity look into the leadership training we provide and get in touch, we rarely swear this much.