In Praise of Normal

Until recently weird = good and “normal” meant not only boring but utterly rubbish. In youthful alternative Brighton where I live this is, ironically, the norm. I have however had quite a radical non-radical change of heart of late. Here’s why:

Being Conservative

I’m becoming conservative…not I would quickly add a supporter of the UK Conservative Party, but someone interested in conserving that which has been shown to work. Things that work have often lasted and yes of course, change is constant and necessary as new problems require new solutions however change is also dangerous as it takes us away from what is established as effective.

Normal is Exceptional

In a screwed up world just establishing a healthy mentality, emotional life and social relations is an exceptional achievement to be aimed at. It’s not cool to have addictions, neurosis and personality disorders, it’s sad. Amy Winehouse gets my compassion not idolatry.

normal

Special = Ego

 

When people try and be special they are normally ego driven. Telling children they are all special unique little snowflakes has turned them into little buggers. The US love of specialness is an ego-driven nightmare and just being normal is the answer. Being normal is enough to be spiritual.

Personal Responsibility

Perhaps the single most effective element of leadership courses I have been involved with is the notion that we are responsible and not victims. No excuses, the riots weren’t just causes by social factors, but by the fact too that people chose to loot. Being able to attribute behaviour to internal causes (as well as external ones) is a nice normal conservative trait.

Loving England

I love England. Not in a crazy white-power Nazi way, but in a familiar, normal, conservative way. I love how we normally cue, I love the normal non-extreme weather, I love our bland normal food. This is a normal place and I love it.

The Ultimate Personal Development

From extensive research in the area and in-depth conversations with others in the field I am wondering if the ultimate personal development isn’t the following:

–  To dedicate oneself to a career in service of others

–  To develop strong family bonds, intimate relationships and long-term friendships

–  To support and be involved with your community at regional and national levels

This is basically a normal life as my parents have lived, so maybe it’s time to stop trying to be special and just get on with being normal.

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Discussion

  2. Elissa

    This is really interesting Mark because it touches on the fact that we have a tendency to think in dualist terms, or binary oppositions. These binary oppositions help to provide a linguistic structure for understanding the world. “Light” is understood more fully when contrasted with “dark” for example. The term “normal” is one of the most powerful examples of how we use this dualist approach, because it relies rather heavily on the concept of an “abnormal”, or if you like “weird”. In all binary oppositions there is also a tendency for a dominant and a subordinate term. Uncomfortable as this may seem, we can begin to see this if we think about the terms normal/abnormal, positive/negative, light/dark, masculine/feminine, up/down, good/bad.

    I think our tendency to think in dualist terms becomes dangerous when we apply it to social and political issues, when it could be more helpful to think in pluralist terms. People are all different. If this is true, then there can be no normal person, and thankfully, there can be no abnormal person.

    You set up an opposition between conservation and change. Again, change does not have to discard practices that have been proven effective; change can happily accommodate conservation if there is an understanding of a powerful middle ground.

    The word “special” is often understood in opposition to the word “normal” of course. In the Oxford dictionary though, there is a second distinct meaning, which we all use regularly, “held in particular esteem or affection; of particular value or importance to”. When I tell my children they are special, I am affirming the importance of the bond between us, and encouraging them to hold themselves in high-esteem. But I also encourage them to hold others in high esteem. In a pluralist way of thinking, diversity is encouraged, and everyone can be special. The ego says, “I am normal, I am better than you”. We can quieten the ego by recognising that we are all equal and amazing because we are part of a much bigger spiritual picture.

    IF we recognize that we are all special in this way then we are called to form intimate relationships, strong family bonds and friendships, we are called to serve others because the Other is not the opposite of the Self. We are called to act as a community.

    • Mark Walsh

      “you are special to me” seems a little different to “you are special” as a message to me. Not sure if you’re kids will get the subtle distinctions but that’s your business. Thanks for the thoughtful comment

      • Elissa

        You are welcome. Don’t under estimate my kids though..they’re pretty special.

  3. Toby Buckle

    A normal article Mark.

    I especially agree with the argument on calling our children special. Making them internally confident in what they are is a better long term approach than thinking we have to externally reinforce their egos and mark them out as “different”.

    The internal locus of responsibility is what makes great leaders. Those who ask “what can I do to help sort this out” rather than say “someone should sort this out” are the leaders in life.

    Good normal stuff.