Eleven Things That Aren’t Spiritual

Putting on a soft airy voice and speaking slowly doesn’t mean you’re spiritual, it means no one can hear you dumb-ass. And as for putting on the Indian accent of your guru or Japanese tones of your aikido Sensei – give me a break.

Going to India/Thailand/Malaga

These are holidays. HOLIDAYS. Spirituality is in you and your back-garden as much as any exotic destination or not at all.

Dressing Down/ Unemployment

You are not a Jain monk – you are a bum my son. Being poor or scruffy doesn’t make you spiritual. Real monks like those at Chithurst for example dress simple but tale great care in their surroundings and appearance. Making a contribution to the wider world is also part of many traditions (e.g about half the Catholic Orders) so yes, you can even work for a living an be spiritual.

Quantum Physics
“It’s bad physics and bad mysticism” – Ken Wilber (backed up by a Cambridge University Physicist Buddhist I know, oh and Einstein). The great physicists were all mystical – they did not however confuse the two. Small energy and stuff is still energy and stuff no matter how weird it gets – new-age interpretations of the “observer effect” are narcissist misunderstandings – get over it. What the bleep do we know? That no real scientists or mystics were in that film.

Using Non-Standard Words and Vague Ill-defined Phrases
“I feel connection it your heart”? “It’s all just a flow of energy” “I want to manifest my vision of wholeness” – What on earth are you on about – speak English dammit and get some rigour hippy. Buddhist monks in Tibet spend fully one third of their time in rigorous intellectual debate – and staying up chatting around a camp fire at Glasto doesn’t count. God isn’t a moron, he’s more than an intellectual not less than one.

Drugs
Most drugs are ego enhancing an definitely anti-spiritual. The Buddhists would say they cloud your mind, having worked behind bars I can say without a doubt that the most popular drug of the Western world is moron-juice, the Muslims would say don’t drink that crap it’s 40C out…etc. There are some ego-destroying drugs that hold genuine mind altering properties but don’t confuse state shifting and personal development. I can alter anyone’s state of consciousness by hitting them on the head with a shovel, but when they come around they will be the same old Muppet. There are some genuine paths that involve psychedelics – but don’t kid yourself getting off your head on shrooms at the fairground for a laugh, or pretending you’re a Native Amercian Shaman when you’ve had less than 20-30 years full-time training, is a joke. This goes for drugs by other means too – “state shifters” such as some kinds of dancing and intense breathing techniques.

Feeling and Emotions
OK, OK, I know this is going to be unpopular but here goes…feelings aren’t spirituality. Much of the modern new-age gives a primacy to first-person knowing and associates feelings with truth. The rub here of course is there is no debate and a kind of narcissistic indulgent “spirituality” can develop where prejudice is mixed in with intuition. That is not to say feelings aren’t a part fo things or that bodily intuition can’t point in the right direction.

Being a Big Girl’s Blouse or a Hairy Man-Ape

Men, you do not need to pretend to be castrate wimps or roam naked in the forest to be spiritual. You are men, you are fine. Relax. (I’m sure there’s a female equivalent here too…)

Self-Absorption

“Let me tell you about me, and how I has this spiritual experience, I was like so…” “My therapist said I was self-absorbed, and I’ve been thinking about it, what do you think of me?” Narcissist self-absorption is a personal favourite and a common malady for the modern spiritual seeker, so can risk becoming a “spiritual consumer.” Note too that therapy is not spirituality though it may free up some energy* for spirituality.

Talking About Spirituality (Including here)
While I’m not anti-intellectual practice is necessary and just debating spirituality is not enough. I’ll just squeeze in one more…

Christmas
Let’s face it the consumerist gang-bang that supposedly celebrates the birth of Christ on the old pagan midwinter date is as far from spiritual as Gomorrah’s dirty underwear.

I’m not anyone really worth listening to when it comes to what is and what isn’t spiritual and the whole exercise is somewhat ridiculous as in the final analysis many would say it’s ALL spiritual anyway. In order to end on a upbeat note, here are the positive correlates of the points above. As I said, I’m not expert but I personally find spirit more likely to be associated with the following:

Speaking with your genuine voice
Finding spirit within and in the everyday
Aesthetic care
Studying external truth through physics and internal truth introspective meditation
Giving credit to learning and study where due
Health

Healthy self-interest
Practice as well as talk
Christmas if you want it to be

*oops