What is humility?
What is humility is the question I’ve been asking…well…obsessing about for the past few months. The thing is, humility isn’t exactly my strong point, and for for as long as I can remember I’ve had…feedback about this. Some of it nice like, “You’re very confidant” and some of it not:”You arrogant shit…” So eventually I decided that it was worth asking what humility is ad maybe getting some.
The first thing I did was ask a whole bunch of very different people “What is humility?” I got some very different responses, but gradually started to see some patterns emerging – while listening as humbly as I could. As well as dissecting humility as a concept, I have also been working with it on an experiential and embodied level – taking up a daily bowing and kneeling prayer practice, working on listening in aikido, tango and Non Violent Communication, even asking ex girlfriends to tell me exactly how I lacked it – this as you can imagine was a lot of fun.
So what have I discovered? Perhaps it’s best if I present some perspectives on what humility is and decide for yourselves which are useful to you.
Less Than/More Than – Conformity and Spirituality
One of the main reasons I had rejected the notion of humility years before is that to many people it is about being less than someone or something else. In societal terms this is often applied to class, gender or race and can get pretty ugly. In spiritual terms it means recognising that there is something greater than oneself and submitting/surrendering to it. In 12-step addiction recovery programs this is fundamental as it is in monastic traditions. Being raised on Irish rebel songs and confusing the former conformity with the latter freedom this has been hard to hear, as I imagine it is for both the equally ego infused “be a winner not a quitter” US viewpoint and the “I am a unique snowflake” New Age claim.
Bodily many people express “less than” humility by shrinking and lowering themselves, and I’ve found that if you live in the full dimension of your body you will stick out and many people wont like it, even if you are assessing yourself not as “more than” but simply as what you are. One of the best definitions of true humility I heard was just “knowing what you are” and by this definition Tiger Woods for example, would not have to say he was quite good at golf.
It was also very useful when my Newfield coach pointed out that humility was an embodied state as well as an opinion other hold. In my somatic exploration of humility I found that a certain softening of the heart area particularly, and also the jaw and brow to be useful for being open enough to let people and what they have to say “in”.
Listening, Not Knowing and Gratitude
It is hard to really listen and be arrogant. On the other hand, “know-it-alls” are a pain in the butt to teach, in fact to be around, as they are closed to anything you may have to offer. In a way they do not really see the world as they already know it. In this sense humility seems linked to both teachability and mindfulness and clarity of perception without evaluation. I have been working on maintaining a state of “not knowing” in various studies – and it was a challenge at times to let go of the “expert” status – and in developing my capacity to listen, verbally, bodily, emotionally. A related area that has come up is gratitude as again this state is incompatible with arrogance. Through practicing thankfulness I have also started to enjoy my life more and highly recommend cultivating this state and not just waiting for it to happen. hang on, I’m getting back into expert head…writing about humility is a web!
As a last note on humility take a look at the video above showing the founder of aikido in his seventies taking falls from a child.
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So What: Humility has a baby and a bathwater – careful of keeping or throwing out both