“Like a boss” could means doing anything well, but it usually implies complete control, no stress and no emotional expression. To me it exemplifies “manager as superhero” or the “great man” theories of leadership. It shows how there is a part of culture that wants bosses to be perfect and invincible rather than human; wants them to know everything rather than being able to not know. To me this is an outdated and dangerous way of looking at management and leadership and I would encourage any bosses out there not to boss like a boss. Equally the English slang to “boss someone around” (i.e. give orders rudely) is also not useful boss behaviour.

What then do we replace it with? More listening then telling, more emotional intelligence than repression, more cooperation than commands, more questions than pretending we have certain answers? Well I better model that then…what do you think?
If you have enjoyed this you may like to take a look at:

• Leadership Impact and Influence
• Leadership and the Body
• 7 Essential Embodied Tools for Leadership, Training and HR

If your organisation is looking at management training in the workplace then call us on 01273 906828 .

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Qualifications

I am a specialist in embodiment – how who we are is reflected in how we hold ourselves and how we move. We express our history as a bodily set of dispositions that we call our personality – “we move though space like we move through life” as Joseph Heller said. Or to use Martha Graham’s word: “body doesn’t lie”. This is more than just situational body language but body being; also the body in this sense refers to the subjective experience of having a body and how this is reflected not in gross physical aspects such as size or weight.

I learnt a lot of my embodied work through martial arts while travelling the world for a period of around seven years. I touched thousands of bodies from many cultures though aikido while studying embodiment with various teachers. Often not being able to speak much of the language of the people I was training with in (in Ethiopia, Palestine or Cyprus for example) and was forced to learn about people though how they moved and held themselves. As many of the places I was in were quite dangerous I was also motivated by this to work out who was who and who wasn’t safe. More directly related to this article, and without incriminating myself to much, I was also a young and relatively attractive man fond of women and single for an extended period. Brazil and the USA were particularly fun…you get the picture and don’t need the details and nor does my girlfriend…so let’s just say this article is based on research with a reasonably sized cross-cultural sample.

On Dance and Finding a Mate

The basic premise of this article is not new how people move vertically is how they move horizontally. Examining posture and movement to see what someone’s like in bed actually has ancient animal roots. Like many species, human’s show off and feel each other out through courtship-dances. Sometimes the men dance for the women (e.g. the Masai) and sometimes the other way around (e.g. most belly dancing). These dances are all about showing virility though good health. If some can move well they can probably make love well. Physical health is shown clearly though athleticism and this is still attractive to most people worldwide.

The other kind of courtship dance is partner-dance, which as one female friend of mine from tango said, is a form of “try before you buy”. Here you can get a feel for what someone is really like and if you’re compatible at a more fundamental level than through just talking. It is not so much athleticism skill that matters here – beyond knowing the basic steps – but in the felt-sense of the “fit”. Usually this is an unconscious process but we feel if there is “chemistry” or not. More consciously you could simply ask, “are they pushy or a pushover?” “do they like to lead or follow?” “do they prefer to listen or express?” “are they more linear or more circular?”. Of course, one size does not fit all and just as there are many valid ways to move there are many ways to “good” in bed so don’t take that part of the article’s title too seriously. What is important is does someone create polarity with your own way of being (and making love). When it comes to sex, sameness is boring – in personality types but not developmental level (e.g values) at least. Dylan Newcombe and David Deida both speak eloquently about the importance of yin and yang, which is one way of looking at it. This is why many couples are quite different and nboth love this and are driven nuts by it. I see this in the gay community in Brighton as well with straight couples so this is not genderd – in “butch and fem” lesbian couples for example.

Sexy Posture

What else can we see from posture? I use a postural model developed as an extension of the work of Dr Richard Strozzi Heckler and Rudolf Laban called 6 directions. In this model we can see if someone is “grounded” or “upright/uptight” (down and up) confident or more contained (in “width”) more rushed or more considered (front and back). Most people find a balanced, upright and confidently “wide” posture more attractive although media has distorted what I believe are healthy natural tendencies in this regard.  Check out this video for more information.

We can use various models of posture and movement to guess what someone might be like in bed. For example we could ask how the four elements are embodied in them and do these match or create polarity with your own. As an example as a yang “fire person” I have been drawn to more “water” partners who both turn me on and drive me crazy with their “go with the flow” style and yin relational ways. One could also ask which of the basic factors that make a bodymind work/make love well are present – I call these the five pillars. These are not simply a matter of polarity and preference like but are about better or worse. When people are relaxed and energised for example they will be more likely be enjoyable sexual partners than half-dead tense people! These embodied factors are more important than fitness in the more limited sense to many – I know I would rather have a sensitive, responsive and “alive” girlfriend for example than one who just has a flat stomach!

Body Parts

If you want to know what someone is like in bed there are some body-parts that are more revealing than others…and not the obvious ones necessarily! The mouth (which is made of the same type of tissue as the genitals) expresses a person’s sexuality clearly – is it tightly pursed an dry, or soft wet and alive? You get the idea…It is, in her/his kiss as they say!  The hips are another important one, and these are empathised in many dances for a reason. Are the hips relaxed, vibrant and alive? Then you’re in for a good time 9 times out of 10. You may also want to see if someone breathes more habitually with their chest (more passionate) or with their belly (more controlled). The hands are interesting too, and these are linked somatically to the heart in a number of ways. How do they meet, hold and release? Holding hands still value

Sexual Balancing

A complicating factor in all of this is that what we repress and deny sometimes comes our sexually. Like the stereotype of the quiet librarian who lets her hair down and goes wild at night, or the powerful businessman who likes to be dressed as a baby, some people balance their personalities sexually. I have found this is only about 1 in 10 people, and mostly those on the extremes of personality who are clearly repressing part of themselves and it is usually hinted it in any event.

Attractiveness and Embodiment

Unlike most other animals people have a neo-cortex that leads them to “get lost in their thoughts”. We can be “embodied” – aware of ourselves as a bodies – or disembodied – floating head’s just using our frames as brain taxis. The difference is both subtle and obvious and I – in no way biased – believe is a major factor in attractiveness. If someone is not in their own body, how will they feel and connect to yours. See this recent and very popular introductory article on the subject.

In conclusion

We can guess a lot about people from their bodies and this includes what they may be like in bed. For some nonsexual examples see the video below. I would also caution against sweeping generalisations and thinking with too much certainty that something is the case before finding out for sure! I have found clear general patterns over the years – which now being happily coupled I don’t mind revealing – and also been surprised many times, people are complicated and as well as dispositional embodied factors, situational and cultural ones needs to be taken into account. In any event it’s not a theoretical conversation, if you’re single and not hurting anyone, go find out and report back in the comments! Enjoy.

Why might innovation and creativity be important in your future?

Is creativity natural? Can it be learnt in Business?

Sometimes I’m asked, “but isn’t creativity natural? Surely you have it or you don’t”. My experience is that while some seem to have an innate disposition it is mostly a matter of practice and people in businesses not only can learn but enjoy doing so. So what’s good for building business creativity?

Some things that are good for creativity:

• Curiosity, questions and tolerance for ambiguity
• Confidence (risk looking like a fool – fear kills creativity)
• Incubation/ priming (take a break)
• Accessing the unconscious (e.g. though dreams or the body)
• Joining (e.g. Yoda and stress article) and perspective diversity (seeing different angles)
• Lateral (breakthrough) and divergent thinking (not just improvement)
• Play, fantasy and relaxation
• Necessity (the mother of invention) / problem solving
• Intrinsic motivation
• Nature (even a desk-plant can help!)
• “Yes and…” thinking
• Rules and structures paradoxically can also help

Left and Right Brain Thinking

One way of thinking about creativity is in terms of brain “sides”. While not strictly neurobiologically accurate it has some basis in science and is a useful analogy in any event.

“LEFT BRAIN” FUNCTIONS:
uses logic, detail oriented, facts rule, words and language, present and past, maths and science, can comprehend, knowing, acknowledges, order/pattern perception, knows object name, reality based, forms strategies, practical, safe

“RIGHT BRAIN” FUNCTIONS:
uses feeling, “big picture” oriented, imagination rules, symbols and images, present and future, philosophy & religion, can “get it” (i.e. meaning), believes, appreciates, spatial perception, knows object function, fantasy based, presents possibilities, impetuous, risk taking

Some Creativity Tools

-  Thinking hats

These can be applied by one person in sequence or assigned to different people in a team meeting to get different perspectives on an issue:

• Random idea generation – e.g. using “found objects” or on a walk
• Reversals (e.g. “How to send HR managers crazy”), exaggerations (The best team in the world!), challenging assumptions (e.g. “why do radios need batteries?”).
• Play! Play is the fundamental way we learn and create yet is underused at work (not the opposite of play any more)

Managerial principles that encourage creativity

So how can business mangers encourage creativity? Here are a few simple things:

• Challenge – matching people with the right assignments
• Freedom – giving people autonomy, choosing means to achieve goals
• Resources – such as time, money, space etc. A balanced fit among resources and people
• Work group features – diverse, supportive teams, where members share the excitement, willingness to help and recognise each other’s talents. Team members change regularly
• Supervisory encouragement – recognition, praise, gratitude
• Organisational support – value emphasis, information sharing, collaboration

If you have enjoyed this article you may like to take a look at:

• Archetypes and Training
• Digital Strategies for Better Time Management
• Building effective teams

If your organisation is looking at creativity training in the workplace then call us on 01273 906828             .

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If you have enjoyed this video you may like to take a look at:

• Stuff managers say – business jargon and BS
• In praise of normal
• Building effective teams

If your organisation is looking at management training in the workplace then call us on 01273 906828             .

To receive the Integration Training newsletter with free tips and news of events please click on the link below

Sign up for our Email Newsletter

If you have enjoyed this you may like to take a look at:

• Leadership Presence – Qualities in the Body Part 1
• Leadership and the Body
• 7 Essential Embodied Tools for Leadership, Training and HR

If your organisation is looking at management training in the workplace then call us on 01273 906828 .

To receive the Integration Training newsletter with free tips and news of events please click on the link below

Sign up for our Email Newsletter

To receive the Integration Training newsletter with free tips and news of events please click on the link below

Sign up for our Email Newsletter